Every Thursday I try to gather up a couple tourists to go fishing with us. Us, consisting of two or three of us who live here ranging from Permasmile Mike, Visor Steve, Tranquilla Brooks, ShhDave, and myself. Today, it was Mike, Steve, brothers Marshall and Nick, and I. I’ve known Marshall for a few years now. He’s made many trips to our little island, and might even fall into the Serial Tourist category. Marshall is the kind of guy who is always happy, gets along with everyone, and makes friends fast. The first time he came during my tenure at Skids, we hung out, drank plenty, and had some laughs. This process repeated itself throughout his ensuing visits, including the current one in which he brought his older brother Nick. I knew if they went fishing with us we would have a good time, and that’s exactly what happened.
5:30 am, we load up, crack open a cold one, and push off. First order of business is to appoint a beer bitch. It’s always a rookie, and we had two to choose from. Steve suggested something of a homosexual and incestual nature, but since Nick was standing next to the cooler already, he was crowned. We started out on our usual western course which takes us past the Utila Cays, but the wind was in our face. We decided to head east , ripped open a bag of Swamp Seeds, and had the BB dish out another round. It wasn’t long before the Capt. declared, “fish on”. Marshall grabbed a hold of the hand line and began to tug it in. I heard Nick say, “I’m fine being beer bitch, Marshall can pull them in.” Those words would come back to haunt him, but for the time being, the fish kept taking the bait, and Mike on one side and Marshall on the other kept reeling them in.
About the time I finished my fifth beer, I realized that I was going to have to raise the water level of the Caribbean. And it was rough……Before I went, I commented about how the rocking of the boat could make a fellow go overboard were he to attempt emptying the old bladder. Annnnnd, of course, that’s exactly what I did. Before I even steadied myself, much less unzipped, I was underwater. And being behind a boat that’s trolling 8 freshly sharpened hooks coming for my head made a very funny situation not so funny. I ducked under one of the lines and tried to swim to one side and a wave came and pushed me right back in between the lines. Uh-oh. Then I decided I should go under and wait it out and let the lines zip past me. Right before I did I felt the beer koozie I was still holding get snagged by a hook and released. Whew. So friggin lucky. Now I could, at least, let it fly. And it was glorious. I got back in the boat, grabbed a cold one, and laughed my ass off. Marshall was slamming them down at this point and hollering ”beer bitch” over and over. And then Mike, Steve, Nick, and I all noticed something that would keep us entertained for the rest of the trip: Marshall and the Cap-i-tan were doing some serious bonding….as a matter of fact, neither one of them shut the hell up for the entire trip.
Fish, boats, weather, it didn’t matter. They were like two old ladies under hair curlers. Then Marshall yells out, ” hey, we won the sea lotto!!” and pointed at the huge floating white sack up ahead. Hank was doubled over laughing as the cocaine jokes came spewing out. As it turned out, we just rescued a sack of plastic bottles. “Beer bitch” We looked up and saw the rain moving in and hinted at pointing the boat in the homeward direction. The BFFs weren’t listening and certainly weren’t done fishing. Next thing I hear is Hank saying, “It’s a lot of rain comin, we’re gonna get wet.” Get wet indeed we did, and it was at this point I thought for sure we would head in out of the weather. Then Marshall points behind us and says, “There’s a boil back there, let’s head that way. Oh yeah, Beer Bitch!” Thankfully, we did come in, and when we got back to Skids, we dried off and drank some more. After a bit Marshall came in and told us he and Hank had been discussing their future together. Then, as we were all ready to head home to shower and change I hear Marshall say, “Is it just me, or am I really drunk?” Good Times.